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| The Coke We Share |
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Chapter 1
Chapter 2
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| My Current Condition: 10-10-06 |
| On this day, her favorite number, 10-10, she left this house. Wrote out my feelings in chinese, will translate soon for her. I wonder why, my tears just cant stop coming down. I already try not to cry, and I am not crying. Why does my tears still fall. |
| Shout All Out~! |
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| 美人魚 |
| Wednesday, September 27, 2006 |
美人魚啊﹐美人魚。
你記得嗎? 在那金紅黃昏的海灘上﹐我們相遇了。
還記得﹐我那時看你的眼神嗎?
那是我的愛﹐我的真心。
你問我﹐人類小說里的愛情是什麼?
我沒回答你﹐ 因為我想用一生來讓你明白。
我愛你。
你見我無言﹐轉身回了你的深海。
而我這個漁夫﹐拋棄了網﹐努力把這一片海﹐變成了聖地。
在無盡的思念中﹐守護著你。
像個望夫石﹐等待你的回來。
失去了自由﹐為了你可在大海中逍遙暢游。
再問我﹐ 愛情是什麼。
我會回答﹐是我對你的等待。
Mermaid O, mermaid.
Do you still remember, under the golden red dusk at the beach where we met?
Still remember? The way I looked at you?
Is my love, is my sincerity.
You asked me, what is love that was mention in novels?
I never answer, I wish to make you understand with my whole life.
That I love you.
You notice my silence, and turn around back to the sea.
For I this fisherman, gave up the net. Work hard for my whole life, make this beach into a holy land.
In endless anticipation, protecting you.
Like a statue by the sea, waiting for your return.
Lost my freedom, for the sake of your safe journey in sea.
Ask me again, what love is.
I will answer, it is my endless wait for you.
PS: Direct translation, so, dun mind the typo and grammar.Labels: Articles, Expression |
posted by -ZeN- @ 10:15 PM  |
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| Night n Flew Fall Fell Felt |
| Monday, September 25, 2006 |
I, singing this song, during this night.
Over and over again and again.
This song, silencing the night, my night.
Continue like this forever, I might.
Controling myself, finding myself again.
Untill pain is all that iI ever gain.
Unite my fear, unite my life.
Dumb me, can only be numb.
Doubting everything in life.
I, during this night, singing this song.
Again and again forever and ever.
This night, echoed by song, my song.
Like a bird, I flew. I fear the ground.
Higher I am, harder I fall. I fell. I felt.
I flew above the land so high.
I fall because went too high.
I fell and trying so hard to stand.
I felt pain that I can never witstand.Labels: Expression |
| posted by -ZeN- @ 1:37 AM |
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| He Deserve It, My Son Dont. |
| Tuesday, September 19, 2006 |
My vision blurred, I can hear a little angel crying over my body, pulling me, shouting at something. I felt my view slowly turning red, tasted sweet on my lips. I remember something was taken away from me, but I was worry about the little angel.
I was on the floor, I can't get up, I felt like I could fall asleep anytime, too tired. I turn my head and look at the little angel. I saw his face, so familiar, so in fear. I got a glance behind of him, and I saw the devil. Reddish eyes and with claws so long. Blood is dripping from the cold tip. I saw the little angel stood up to the devil. The little angel spread out his shivering arms, trying hard to protect me.
"Go away~!" Angel shouted. Then the devil shoves his claws deep into the angel chest.
Vision darkens. With last conscious, I heard the devil footsteps, running away from me. Then I heard a loud bang.
I force myself to look, open my eyes, caught a last glace of the devil falling down from the sky. Angels... a lot of angels is surrounding IT, killing it. I fainted.
"Yesterday, a woman and her son were being attack by snatch thief. The woman was being hit by the head and fainted, while her son tried to protect his mother but was killed by a stab to the chest. While the thief was running away from the scene, a youngster drove his car into him. Then the rest of the people around who heard the child cry came to attack the thief. Kicking him and punching him. The thief died there and then."
"He deserves it, my son don't."Labels: Articles |
| posted by -ZeN- @ 9:35 AM |
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| Chapter 2: My Name |
| Friday, September 15, 2006 |
Chapter 2: My Name “Hi” A guy who is sitting in front of me in class turn around and say to me. He looks like a cool guy, have a normal face but not bad looking. Guess he is a bit taller than me but overall he looks very friendly indeed and hyper active type. “Hi” I reply.“You are a new guy here isn’t it? I haven’t seen you before all 2 years in my secondary school life.” “So you guess that I am from other school right?" “Yup, cause most of the guys in school also I know them. I know almost every one same age as me in this school you know.” “I will not be surprise, because you look friendly and sporty enough to have a lot of friends.” I say and I added. ”Maybe I should ask you to be my school guide someday when I get lost” Both of we laugh, seem to me, this laugh already mark the start of a very valuable and strong friendship with this guy. “The name is Kenny, nice to meet you. Where were you from previously?” Kenny asked while he was stretching out his hand for a shake. “The name is Seth. I was from Summer Heart Boy’s school. You know which state it is in don’t you?” I answer while shaking his hand. “Ohya, the famous Summer Heart Boy’s School. Have the best secondary school football team in whole country.” Kenny says with a giggle. He is really knowledgeable. “Will you 2 there be quite? Madame Fat Ass is here.” Valen warning us and we quickly keep quite and ready for the class. Madame Fat Ass I guess meaning Madame Frances Archer who are going to teach us English Literature. She is very strict and also a bit bad temper, about the age of 45 I think reaching her menopause. That is why she is so strict and bad temper sometimes. Valen still haven’t talk to me since the day I first met her. It has been about 3 days now. However, I do notice that she already calm down. Not like yesterday I saw her having black eyes, and her eyes were a bit red like been crying whole night. Hope she will recover soon. Why do I care? It’s not my business anyway. It had been my habit during recess time to buy 2 hotdog bread and a can of coke for my breakfast. I still went to the same place I met Valen to have my breakfast there. However, I found it strange of myself to buy 2 bread, mostly is because if Valen is there and she is going to ask for my food again. I will give her the whole bread, and I have whole bread for myself too. Is it because I am not full enough if only having half bread? That one I can be sure of. However… why do I just brought one can of coke instead of 2? Well, let say for now the coke is expensive. No matter what I do, Valen haven’t been there since that day. Valen never came that day also, but Kenny came. “Seth, you better come back to the class now, there is a big show going on there.” “Huh? What so big deal? Someone is having a fight?” “You can say that again, is Valen. You know her? She is the…” Before Kenny can finish his sentence, I was rushing back to the classroom without my breakfast or my coke. Along the way I wasn’t thinking anything, except one thing. Why? Why do I feel an urge to go see what happen to Valen. When I reach the door, I saw a few people are staying outside of the class and looking at the fight then I heard someone shouted. “You bitch! How dare you talk bad about my boyfriend?” I make my way through the door and saw there is about 5 girls surrounding Valen and she has fallen on the floor in front of the class. One hand is supporting her body up and another is holding her cheek. She is looking furiously toward one of the girls. These girls are wearing the school uniform with the skirt length way too short than it should be. Their school uniforms also are not neatly wore; even some have their few top button of the shirt unbutton. Sexy and wild I must say but… I dislike. They are from 3S7, last class in form 3. Valen didn’t say anything, just staring furiously at one of the girl and then that girl shouted again. “My boyfriend dumped you remember? Just because you get dump don’t blame it on other him being a 2 timer.” Valen still say nothing. “What are you looking at? Are you gonna bite me? Oooo I sooooo scare~~ someone help me please cos there is a BITCH wanting to bite me! Hahahahahaha” That girl laugh hysterically and the rest of her gang follows. Valen look down on the floor. Seem like she is giving up. The 5 girl left the class after awhile, and they left with a few “greetings” to Valen. They also had given her some warning too. Most of the students standing at the doors are gone; some of them went back their seat and prepare for class. Kenny still stands behind me. However, I am still standing in front of the class, looking down at Valen. After a few second of silent that seems like few minute. Valen stood up and ran out from the class. While she ran by, I can see she is crying with both her hand holding her face. Kenny and I watched her ran out from the door. I told Kenny I am going after her. “Hey, later is Madame Fat Ass class, sure yo….” Without listening to the whole sentence, I ran out following Valen. I figure that she will be at the tree at the back of the school. So I ran there hoping I can find her, and I did. She is still the same, crouching there with her head bending down.Just like the first day, I went and sit down a bit away from her. “Do you want hotdog bread like last time?” I asked. “Go away. You should be in class, Leave me alone.” “Well, I cant you see. I went back class so rush that I forgot to have my breakfast and my breakfast is beside you now.” “…” “If you don’t mind, can you pass me back my food?” “……” “……” “Can…can I really have one of those hotdog?” Wow, this girl really likes to eat. “Ok sure, as you can see I got 2. The one on the right is yours.” “Thank…how come you have 2 hotdogs? I remember you just brought 1 that day.” “…I was think that maybe I can eat both of them.” “Liar, 2 hotdog with a can of coke, that will be lunch and not breakfast already.” “Well, ok. I am just afraid that you might be waiting here to have free breakfast from me and I have to share it with you again. That time I will be very hungry by noon so I rather buy 2 incase.” A moment of silent… we are both thinking this conversation is going a bit weird. “…Are you meaning you are expecting me to cry everyday?” “You did, didn’t you?” I say. “…how do you know? I am not a crying baby!” “I can see from you face everyday. Anyway, is Madame Fat Ass class now, so I think I should be crying also for skipping her class.” “Then why are you here, go back. I don’t need you here; I don’t even know your name.” “Seth.” I reply short. “Huh?” “My name is Seth. Now you know my name, then I will be here…incase you need me. ”Valen look at me, I have finished my bread and so does she. I look back at her and we are both silent, don’t know what to say. Then she breaks the silent by saying that she need to go toilet to wash her face.I sat there and waited, after about 5 minutes she came back. This time I notice that she is quite a cute and pretty girl. Her face is fair and maybe a bit pale with smooth skin, but her lips are fine and red like cherry, juicy and sparkling. I am amazed. “Seth…Thanks.” Then she walks away. I went back to class a few minutes later after she left and being scolded by Madame Fat Ass. I told her that I have stomachache then only she allows me to go back to my seat. Valen is there but she is not looking at me. Seem like she is avoiding me. Kenny saw that situation and asked me what happen, and I just shake my head. Then I kept thinking what I said earlier. “My name is Seth. Now you know my name, then I will be here…incase you need me.”
Labels: Story |
| posted by -ZeN- @ 11:12 PM |
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| Chapter 1: The First Coke |
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Chapter 1: The First Coke
I still remember the first time I saw her. Valen is her name and she was about a head length shorter than me, slim and a bit thin. Valen has a shoulder length hair which is a bit curly at the tip. However, all this is not what I notice the most when I first saw her. During that time, I was coming in late from the teacher’s office. I was the new transfer student to this Saint Eve Secondary School.
That time I was standing in front of the door of the class, taking a breath to calm myself before going in. I was in boy’s school since I start schooling and this is the first time I enter to a mix school. Just before I walk into the class, someone pushed me from behind.
It was Valen, she walks straight up to the tallest guy who is chatting with a gang of handsome looking guy at the corner of the class. Not to mention he is also one of the best looking one. She shouted at him something about breaking her heart when he is dating her and another girl at the same time. First day in school already having to see this kind of drama act, guess my life here will not be that peaceful as I expect. Ignoring the soap opera, I went to the seat at the end of the class which is the nearest to the class exit. It doesn’t mean I am tall therefore I am sitting at the end of the class, just that I like my privacy. I suspect I have a kind of psychology illness about liking to put my self into enclose spaces. Just when I settle down my textbook on the table, BOOM!
A bag was thrown to the seat beside me. It is not my style to bother about anything happening in the class, but this is way too rude to be taking up a seat. When I look to my left, I saw her. Sitting there covering her face in her cloth made bag which have this cute cat face on it. I wonder is she crying, but that is not my problem. Just hope she doesn’t cause trouble to me during class like getting in to an argument beside my ears.
Sigh, my peaceful days have ended I guess.
The class started like normal secondary school lesson all start off. I was lucky because there is no one who actually came to talk to me, because I couldn’t care less to talk to them anything at all.
Every minute passes by like hours, until it was recess time. I can’t wait to see what food the cantina have that hopefully suit my taste and cheap!
“Excuse!”
“Huh?” I say, when I turn around to see who is talking to me. It was Valen, standing about 8 O’clock direction. She was like staring at me and I can see a bit of disgust feeling in her eyes. That pisses me but I am not going to be angry because of a rude girl.
“EXCUSE ME! Can you move your chair? You are blocking my way out.”I then slowly pull my chair and myself closer to the table. She can actually pass through but I guess she doesn’t even want to touch the chair of a guy I think. Therefore she “asked” me to move a bit. Guess that breaking up thing before the class still has effect on her. Big effect until she may hate all guys. However, that is not my problem either.Sadly, the cantina is full of student and I can barely see any nice food.
So I will have to buy hotdog bread and get a can of coke from the vending machine. It was too pack in cantina and so I decided to go find a place to sit down and have some peace and quite breakfast. I remember when my dad first brought me to make a round in this school the weekend before; I saw an area at the back part of the school got a very nice Umbrella Tree; at least that is what I call it. Under it there is a stone branch which looks a bit old but clean enough.
I bring the hotdog bread and the can of coke and went to that place. It is kind of far from the cantina but I soon found the place I was looking for.
Just a few steps away from the tree only I notice there is a girl sitting on the branch, or you can say she is crouching on it. Holding her knees up to her chest with her two hands and her head was bending down. I stood there for awhile and then I decided to go sit next beside her, is not that the whole branch is hers. The branch also is long enough for at least 4 persons to sit.
I sat down at the left end of the branch, and she was a bit to the right. I never look at her at all and start to drink my coke first. After a few sip of my coke, I put it down at a side and open up the plastic of my hotdog bread, then the girl talks.
“Is that hotdog bread?” she says while she still remains crouching the same way.
“Yeah. From the cantina.”
“Er…I am hungry, can you give me that? I will pay you back next time.”
“Why don’t you go buy it yourself?”
“I…I can’t.”
“Why is that?”
Then I added: “Is it because you were crying and you don’t want to go to the cantina where everyone can see your face?”
“How come you guys are such a smartass hole who thinks can handle everything HUH?!” she shouted.
My guess was correct, she is Valen. She is correct also, I am a smart-ass.
“Here.” I says while I handing her half of the hotdog bread.
“Don’t want! Why cant you guys all bastard can’t give everything to a girl must always give a portion of it? Treating us girls like baggers?”
This time, I am correct again about what I was thinking, she may start to hate all guys.
“I don’t have the responsible to give you my food do you know that? I am giving you half of it because I sharing it with you. Sharing is not donating to you like you are a bagger. Plus I am not charging you any money for It., now take it or I will throw it away.”
She then silently take it from my hand and I can see her hands are small and have a very fair skin, I also notice that her hands are shivering. I guess maybe she was crying too much and too hungry.We ate each of our portions silently.
She is now sitting on the branch, not crouching anymore. I can see that her eyes are red, so does her nose. Suddenly I felt pity for her, having to be broken up in the class in front of everyone.
Before I notice, she grabs my can of coke and drank some of it. I was looking at her while she was drinking it. It was an indirect kiss, and this careless or could I say stupid girl having no idea at all?
“Ah~~ that was nice, I almost choke you know. Thanks for the food and drink. I am Valen, class 3S2. How about you?” She says while handing me the coke with a smile.
“You will know later on who I am.” I say while looking at the can of coke on my hand, I think I can see some very thin layer of lipstick on it. Then I think heard her saying “hah?” then the bell rang representing the end of our recess time. Then she just say bye and ran off. Guess she doesn’t notice that I am that guy she “asked” to move his chair so that she the little queen can pass.
Holding that can of coke, I drank it.
“Ah?” Valen surprise-ness escapes from her mouth when she saw me walk in from the back exit of the class. I just had a glance at her then I just sit down and prepare myself for class. Even though I am not looking at her, I can feel her eyes staring at me and I bet she sure look very surprise.
I haven’t told her my name, but I guess I am not going to tell her anyway. Sees if she asks.
After today classes have all ended, it is time to go back home. I was thinking if she was going to talk to me, it will be this time. However, most people will think, if she really wants to know my name. Why hasn’t she asked me during class? Well, for that question I think I know the answer. Valen is a tough girl, almost hated all guys maybe except her father or brothers. She is that kind of girl that won’t ever want to get hurt again and will turn to defense herself by staying away from the source of pain.
In her case, she will become cold. Very cold toward guys and maybe even become a lesbian one day. Psychology problem have no easy solution. A cold girl like her that started to hate almost every guy, will never ever shame herself by asking for a guy’s name. That is to prevent people saying that she is cheap, bitch or slut.
I just started school today; therefore there hasn’t been much planning about how I am going back home after school. I was studying in Summer Heart Boy’s school until I am in form 2. During the year end holiday of form 2, my mom was requested to transfer to this city to become the Head Nurse of a Infection control Department in the General Hospital. Luckily my dad was able to have a job here because there is a branch campus here from the university he was teaching in, yes my dad is a lecturer.
Therefore, me and my younger brother have to transfer to this city. My brother is 3 year younger than me. Studying in a school nearby of my current new school, about walking distant of 15min. Having us close to each other is my dad idea, so I can went to fetch him after school and take a bus home with him. Me and my brother Xeny had “practice” a few time before on how to go back home by bus.
As same as my school last time, the school main entrance is cramp with students. There are some of them waiting for bus, some busy pushing other student and try to get on the bus as quickly as they can. The rest of them are waiting for their parent to fetch or chatting and having fun. Yes, having fun.
There is no fun for me today after school, all was left is my head thinking of how much fun I have everyday after school with my friends. Just like them playing, talking and having fun. Sigh, I have to start making friends but I don’t think that will work very well on me.
I am a quite guy, I hardly am able to go up to someone and introduce myself. I let fate decide who are going to be my friend. Therefore mostly I have only a few friends, but very close ones, which I am very proud to have. After about 10min I spend on my moment of grief, I headed to my brother school.Labels: Story |
| posted by -ZeN- @ 12:27 AM |
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| Numb |
| Thursday, September 14, 2006 |
So long never really update my blog. Suddenly notice CC leave message at my tagboard. Also found out from a friend that other blogger whom blog I like to read 1 might be reading my blog.
Now let make something clear about my condition now. For the last 7 and a half month, I am totally blurred and unclear of what I had been doing with my life. Last semester I been going crazy, break down, angry, hurt, jealous, sad, regrets and so on…. Every negative feelings and emotion also all been cramped into that few months. I snapped, I broke, I fell, I failed, and still I keep trying standing up. Improving myself like mad, forcing myself to move on, to hang on to live my life and not to end it.
How many nights gone by that I didn’t shed my tears in my dreams. For the 1st few months, almost every night I dream of the same nightmare of being hurt, being betray being misunderstood, and finally being droved into a hell of regrets and pain. I even made myself believe that I am everything that is wrong about the relationship. I even force the pain cause to me being double, triple and even force the pain and regrets and madness into myself. Push myself to the edge of madness.
After start working, I at least get to know others people. No time to torture my own soul and feelings during work. Thankz to them, I slowly recover. However I notice the world have many other things. Slowly, interacting with other people, reading other people blog and understand their life, knowing other people from customer and so on. Although the working life open my eyes to a lot of things, making me improve more and faster. Still, while I thought I already get over things… I only found out that, I just became numb.
I am a very weird person. With a very weird thinking and understanding toward world and things. Still I am no more than a mere human. After all the pain and suffering that people had cause me and what I had cause myself. I just want to come down to one conclusion on what I understand about relationship.
“When a person doesn’t love you, you can only blame it on yourself that you are not good enough or suitable enough for her to love you.” Fate and luck do play a part here, however, as long as I love with my full capabilities. I will have no regrets.
Er… said quite a lot of things about my self, however… I think I just delete the whole page I wrote about myself and replace this paragraph instead.
What I want to write today is, I am numb, and I can’t really express myself anymore. Only left with pain and I endure it, till it become numb then another pain strike in and then I do the same thing over and over again. That is why I said in the previous post titled Rain. The midnight rain is much warmer than the heart of mine.
I can only write, so I starting to write out stories and short articles and things that in my mine. I already very numb and I keep forgetting things. Keep being blur and just go on working and working and working. Always trying to keep myself busy no matter in work or novels or games. In another word, I have no life. I guess.
Therefore I can only blog, hopefully I can still express out something while I am with my self. I can talk, express and so on toward people although not much. However, people are supposed to be free to express themselves while they are totally alone. Which in my case, I totally can’t.
Dear blog. I will edit you and keep updating you from now on. Because you will be the only way I can express myself to myself now.Labels: Expression |
| posted by -ZeN- @ 10:32 PM |
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| Rain |
| Friday, September 01, 2006 |
Never knew the midnight rain can feel so warm, compare to what I feeling in my heart. The ice cold latte that I had in the rain was so soothing. Like a warm cup of choclate in the cold winter storm.
After so long I finally blog again, not continue my story, not complaining anything. 1st time ever I think i blog, for the nature. Rain. I am now soaking wet, just walked in my room straight type this out on a wordpad. My sight through my spec is still glittering with the rain drops. But, I blog about this, this moment in my life.
Walk to get a drink at 7-11, and that time the rain was so small. I stand in the middle of the road and look up to the window. Remembering. Then the rain start to go heavy. I hide. I walk to 7-11 under the roof and cover my head using my hand, trying not to get too wet. However, when I done shopping for 1 ice cold Milo, 1 ice cold Latte and 1 ice cold Mocha, the rain is already very heavy.
I walked. In to the rain i walk in the middle of the road till i reach my house. Again i stood there, looking up to the window. After awhile I turn my back againt the entrace to my warm and cozy house. I walk to the road corner, looking over traffic light junction. I sat on the protection bar there, and open 1 ice cold Latte.
I can feel the rain drop falling into my Latte. Slowly, sip by sip I drink it. Feeling the cold alluminum and the soothing taste of ice cold Latte on my lips. I dunno how long it takes, but I can feel the rain is getting warmer. The midnight rain was so warm, comparing to what I feel inside of me that 15minute.
After finish, I put the can down. Sorry for littering but...the can mark my spot where I 1st feel that rain is warmer than anything else in my life now. I walk to the middle of the road again, totally soaking wet, i look up the window again. After awhile, I turn my back againts the window. Looking up the sky, letting the rain wash my face from the tears that I not sure I have shed or not.
Looking at the rain drops falling, by the light of the streat light. The rain, look so beautiful, every drop is shining with golden color. Making the whole world seem blur to me, seem so... dream like. The rain felt so warm, and the rain are so beautiful in my eyes. I turn and walk into my house, up the stairs, to my room and here I write down.
15 minute in the midnight rain, with ice cold Latte. Never knew, the rain can be so warm compare to what I feel inside of me.
I still got milo and mocha to drink, and the rain havent stop yet. Now I feeling abit dry, so...
I just want to cry during this night, the rain, please wash away my tears, thankz.Labels: Expression |
| posted by -ZeN- @ 12:32 AM |
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| About Me |
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Name: -ZeN-
MSN : strangerx_77@yahoo.com
YM! : strangerx_77
Friendster: http://www.friendster.com/zenchet
Home: Ipoh, Perak, Malaysia
About Me: Different.
See my complete profile
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