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| My Current Condition: 10-10-06 |
| On this day, her favorite number, 10-10, she left this house. Wrote out my feelings in chinese, will translate soon for her. I wonder why, my tears just cant stop coming down. I already try not to cry, and I am not crying. Why does my tears still fall. |
| Shout All Out~! |
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| 夜梦写情 |
| Wednesday, October 11, 2006 |
归来时看著空空的家
望着你那熟悉的房门
已听不到你的歌声了
试着回忆起你的声音
才发觉早已在脑海里
每早醒来梳洗的时候
呆呆地望着镜子神伤
少了你牙刷的小杯子
把洗脸盘显得很空阔
镜子在我眼里已蒙了
镜里泪流的我正在笑
希望可扑灭我的泪光
想起你那应淡忘的笑
让我无可救药的又再
爱上你那纯真的笑脸
你已从这个家离开了
虽然我们还会联络的
虽然你还是会回来的
但我已失去了一个家
你我曾努力布置的家
再也不能打包给你了
不能帮你修洗衣机了
没跟你一起杀小强了
或逃离小强的还击了
开心的我不再出现了
外面的雾隐藏我心伤
孤独的我望月轻轻叹
雨的泪光播放着过往
深夜空空道上柔风吹
尝试吹干脸上的泪痕
我的心已紧紧锁著了
默默努力把自己做好
等你回来时让你知道
我还是会过得好好的
应为不想你担心我了
你还记得吗我的承诺
和我每一个真心告白
是永远也不会改变的
你在我心里是我的谁
是永远不会被取代的
to be continue... with translation and modification or extentionLabels: Expression |
posted by -ZeN- @ 1:08 AM  |
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| 美人魚 |
| Wednesday, September 27, 2006 |
美人魚啊﹐美人魚。
你記得嗎? 在那金紅黃昏的海灘上﹐我們相遇了。
還記得﹐我那時看你的眼神嗎?
那是我的愛﹐我的真心。
你問我﹐人類小說里的愛情是什麼?
我沒回答你﹐ 因為我想用一生來讓你明白。
我愛你。
你見我無言﹐轉身回了你的深海。
而我這個漁夫﹐拋棄了網﹐努力把這一片海﹐變成了聖地。
在無盡的思念中﹐守護著你。
像個望夫石﹐等待你的回來。
失去了自由﹐為了你可在大海中逍遙暢游。
再問我﹐ 愛情是什麼。
我會回答﹐是我對你的等待。
Mermaid O, mermaid.
Do you still remember, under the golden red dusk at the beach where we met?
Still remember? The way I looked at you?
Is my love, is my sincerity.
You asked me, what is love that was mention in novels?
I never answer, I wish to make you understand with my whole life.
That I love you.
You notice my silence, and turn around back to the sea.
For I this fisherman, gave up the net. Work hard for my whole life, make this beach into a holy land.
In endless anticipation, protecting you.
Like a statue by the sea, waiting for your return.
Lost my freedom, for the sake of your safe journey in sea.
Ask me again, what love is.
I will answer, it is my endless wait for you.
PS: Direct translation, so, dun mind the typo and grammar.Labels: Articles, Expression |
| posted by -ZeN- @ 10:15 PM |
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| Night n Flew Fall Fell Felt |
| Monday, September 25, 2006 |
I, singing this song, during this night.
Over and over again and again.
This song, silencing the night, my night.
Continue like this forever, I might.
Controling myself, finding myself again.
Untill pain is all that iI ever gain.
Unite my fear, unite my life.
Dumb me, can only be numb.
Doubting everything in life.
I, during this night, singing this song.
Again and again forever and ever.
This night, echoed by song, my song.
Like a bird, I flew. I fear the ground.
Higher I am, harder I fall. I fell. I felt.
I flew above the land so high.
I fall because went too high.
I fell and trying so hard to stand.
I felt pain that I can never witstand.Labels: Expression |
| posted by -ZeN- @ 1:37 AM |
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| Numb |
| Thursday, September 14, 2006 |
So long never really update my blog. Suddenly notice CC leave message at my tagboard. Also found out from a friend that other blogger whom blog I like to read 1 might be reading my blog.
Now let make something clear about my condition now. For the last 7 and a half month, I am totally blurred and unclear of what I had been doing with my life. Last semester I been going crazy, break down, angry, hurt, jealous, sad, regrets and so on…. Every negative feelings and emotion also all been cramped into that few months. I snapped, I broke, I fell, I failed, and still I keep trying standing up. Improving myself like mad, forcing myself to move on, to hang on to live my life and not to end it.
How many nights gone by that I didn’t shed my tears in my dreams. For the 1st few months, almost every night I dream of the same nightmare of being hurt, being betray being misunderstood, and finally being droved into a hell of regrets and pain. I even made myself believe that I am everything that is wrong about the relationship. I even force the pain cause to me being double, triple and even force the pain and regrets and madness into myself. Push myself to the edge of madness.
After start working, I at least get to know others people. No time to torture my own soul and feelings during work. Thankz to them, I slowly recover. However I notice the world have many other things. Slowly, interacting with other people, reading other people blog and understand their life, knowing other people from customer and so on. Although the working life open my eyes to a lot of things, making me improve more and faster. Still, while I thought I already get over things… I only found out that, I just became numb.
I am a very weird person. With a very weird thinking and understanding toward world and things. Still I am no more than a mere human. After all the pain and suffering that people had cause me and what I had cause myself. I just want to come down to one conclusion on what I understand about relationship.
“When a person doesn’t love you, you can only blame it on yourself that you are not good enough or suitable enough for her to love you.” Fate and luck do play a part here, however, as long as I love with my full capabilities. I will have no regrets.
Er… said quite a lot of things about my self, however… I think I just delete the whole page I wrote about myself and replace this paragraph instead.
What I want to write today is, I am numb, and I can’t really express myself anymore. Only left with pain and I endure it, till it become numb then another pain strike in and then I do the same thing over and over again. That is why I said in the previous post titled Rain. The midnight rain is much warmer than the heart of mine.
I can only write, so I starting to write out stories and short articles and things that in my mine. I already very numb and I keep forgetting things. Keep being blur and just go on working and working and working. Always trying to keep myself busy no matter in work or novels or games. In another word, I have no life. I guess.
Therefore I can only blog, hopefully I can still express out something while I am with my self. I can talk, express and so on toward people although not much. However, people are supposed to be free to express themselves while they are totally alone. Which in my case, I totally can’t.
Dear blog. I will edit you and keep updating you from now on. Because you will be the only way I can express myself to myself now.Labels: Expression |
| posted by -ZeN- @ 10:32 PM |
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| Rain |
| Friday, September 01, 2006 |
Never knew the midnight rain can feel so warm, compare to what I feeling in my heart. The ice cold latte that I had in the rain was so soothing. Like a warm cup of choclate in the cold winter storm.
After so long I finally blog again, not continue my story, not complaining anything. 1st time ever I think i blog, for the nature. Rain. I am now soaking wet, just walked in my room straight type this out on a wordpad. My sight through my spec is still glittering with the rain drops. But, I blog about this, this moment in my life.
Walk to get a drink at 7-11, and that time the rain was so small. I stand in the middle of the road and look up to the window. Remembering. Then the rain start to go heavy. I hide. I walk to 7-11 under the roof and cover my head using my hand, trying not to get too wet. However, when I done shopping for 1 ice cold Milo, 1 ice cold Latte and 1 ice cold Mocha, the rain is already very heavy.
I walked. In to the rain i walk in the middle of the road till i reach my house. Again i stood there, looking up to the window. After awhile I turn my back againt the entrace to my warm and cozy house. I walk to the road corner, looking over traffic light junction. I sat on the protection bar there, and open 1 ice cold Latte.
I can feel the rain drop falling into my Latte. Slowly, sip by sip I drink it. Feeling the cold alluminum and the soothing taste of ice cold Latte on my lips. I dunno how long it takes, but I can feel the rain is getting warmer. The midnight rain was so warm, comparing to what I feel inside of me that 15minute.
After finish, I put the can down. Sorry for littering but...the can mark my spot where I 1st feel that rain is warmer than anything else in my life now. I walk to the middle of the road again, totally soaking wet, i look up the window again. After awhile, I turn my back againts the window. Looking up the sky, letting the rain wash my face from the tears that I not sure I have shed or not.
Looking at the rain drops falling, by the light of the streat light. The rain, look so beautiful, every drop is shining with golden color. Making the whole world seem blur to me, seem so... dream like. The rain felt so warm, and the rain are so beautiful in my eyes. I turn and walk into my house, up the stairs, to my room and here I write down.
15 minute in the midnight rain, with ice cold Latte. Never knew, the rain can be so warm compare to what I feel inside of me.
I still got milo and mocha to drink, and the rain havent stop yet. Now I feeling abit dry, so...
I just want to cry during this night, the rain, please wash away my tears, thankz.Labels: Expression |
| posted by -ZeN- @ 12:32 AM |
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| About Me |
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Name: -ZeN-
MSN : strangerx_77@yahoo.com
YM! : strangerx_77
Friendster: http://www.friendster.com/zenchet
Home: Ipoh, Perak, Malaysia
About Me: Different.
See my complete profile
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